Gasoline: The Fail-Safe Method for Curing Chronic Halitosis

I am going to talk about something extremely important to ALL of us.  Chronic halitosis:  You KNOW if you have it, and if you don’t know, then maybe you should get your olfactory system checked.  I mean from a real professional; your roommate jamming that popsicle stick up your nose doesn’t count (you know who you are).  It’s bad enough when someone is talking to you and you find yourself turning away and leaning in the opposite direction.  What’s worse is when, even AFTER the person stops talking and has long shut the offending gap in their face; the smell still lingers in the air for a good 45 seconds.  That’s when you know you have a REAL problem.  When I don’t give you eye contact, it usually means something negative, when I shift my body away from you it’s like slapping you in the face with less aggressive body language. 

I’m trying to tell you without actually telling you that you that the particular blend of bitter coffee and stale cigarettes that you combined this morning is making your breath smell like something crawled into your mouth, died, and is now starting to rot.  It’s actually SO bad in fact, that you’re giving me flashbacks to every Resident Evil game I’ve ever played that had a cut-scene of a zombie growling right in someone’s face.  Can you imagine how that must smell?  Well take that, remove the fear-factor from the whole situation and we’re left with nothing but a guy who’s been feasting on raw meat, never brushes his teeth and smells like road kill that’s been baking in the sun.

Take the hint and go brush your teeth.  Or, if you prefer the fail-safe method, gargle with gasoline for about 60 seconds and then go light one of those stale cigarettes you’ve been sucking down all morning…

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