People who approach me and try to have a conversation with me, while they’re eating, annoy me. What you have to say is SO important that you can’t even finish your banana before you open your mouth to astound me with your theories on why the bartender at your favorite bar is giving you ALL the signs that means she wants you? I have two things to say to this:
A. She doesn’t want you. It’s her JOB to flirt with you. She makes more money from your intoxicated attempts to seduce her if she humors you and makes you think you have a smidgen of a chance. Otherwise you’d move on to the next bartender pursuing the exact same thing, and she would lose her sells.
B. You’re an idiot… Don’t get me wrong, I have flirted with my fair share of bartenders, but the difference between you and I, is that I actually realize the game she’s playing.
That out of the way, back to my coworker’s eating habits. I don’t want to see the mashed up fruit on your lips every time I attempt to give you the eye contact that is minimal to maintain some level of decency in a conversation. And when I give up on the eye contact completely, I really don’t want to have to hear the smacking, digestive noises you make while you struggle to form coherent speech around sticky mess that’s inside your mouth. I hope you realize that the look of concentration on my face isn’t because I’m listening so intently to what you have to say, it’s because I’m exerting an insane amount of energy in my attempt to make you choke on that banana with my brain power alone…
Follow @OngoingSarcasm
0 comments:
Post a Comment