Quote of the Week

And the quote of the week goes to Mrs. Gladis Akers. Congratulations!

"Facebook Post"
Me: I just ran head first into a pole so hard it knocked me off my feet and onto my butt. Yup kids. That just happened... Moral of the story. Texting while walking is ALMOST as dangerous as texting while driving.
Gladis: Lol I hope ur butt n u r ok!
Me: We're fine ;-) luckily I have a lot of padding back there. Now had I fallen on my chest we may have had a problem lol
Gladis: Lol that's why I got my girls... Just to protect my face from a fall....

Thank you Gladis. You made my whole day!!

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Doth My Eyes Deceive Me

Okay, so it’s been a while.   I apologize.  I could lie to you and say I haven’t written because I had an awakening, so to speak, where my level of patience was dramatically increased therefore lowering my annoyance level.  However, let’s be honest, we ALL know that’s never going to happen as long as I’m still forced to drive a vehicle in California.  So the real reason I haven’t written is simple.  I know you will all find this very shocking, but I’ve actually been working, at work.  Crazy right?  I haven’t had any time to do my normal daily routine such as blog and stalk unsuspecting Facebook victims *ahem* users.  It’s been sad really.  Before I lose everyone’s interest though, I feel like I should probably at least try to keep up.  Let’s start with the most recent peeve.  If you know me, which hopefully all of you do, because if you don’t then this blog has gone viral and the world will soon end in an outbreak of impatience and annoyance, I digress, if you know me, you know that I am a big fan of amateur fiction.  You know, the unpublished short (and sometimes long) stories that people post on random sites.  Some of it is Fanfiction where they basically steal some hardworking author’s world and characters and continue the story long after the original author has given up, some of the stories are like an ongoing soap opera of awesomeness, and some you finish with a blank look on your face wondering why someone hasn’t tracked down the author’s IP address and put the poor schmuck out of his or her misery.  So DRU, what exactly IS your peeve, you may ask.  Well I’ll tell you.  Being someone who reads pretty much constantly, I consider myself a fan of detail.  What I absolutely HATE is when people write stories and don’t even pay attention to their OWN details.  Latest example: 

I was reading a story last night about a young girl in Seattle.  The author started the story with a comment on the weather.  Actually, the author went on for two whole paragraphs, in graphic detail, about how it was raining outside and how much the main character hated days when she couldn’t see the sun because the sky was laced with thick, dark clouds and so on and so forth.  TWO WHOLE PARAGRAPHS.  In a story that was only about twelve paragraphs, I almost felt like I was reading Moby Dick again.  Okay, detailed writing, I love it, I really do.  I know how protagonist feels; I know what the weather is like down to how many rain drops are falling per second.  Everything is good, until four paragraphs later, when the author completely backtracks on EVERYTHING HE JUST SAID by making some offhand, pseudo-romantic cliché of a statement about how the protagonist couldn’t take her eyes off of the way the SUN made this boy’s golden hair just shine. Excuse me?  Doth my eyes deceive me? What sun? IT’S RAINING!!! IT’S BEEN RAINING FOR DAYS!!! UGH!

If you’re going to add fluff because you don’t have enough actual storyline to go with, at least read through your story before you post it online.  I can’t be held responsible for the comments I make about how you should not be allowed near a computer until you learn to idiot check your pointless words.

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Give me Back my Guilt-Free Fatty Goodness!!!

I really hate fast food menus that have the calorie counts right beside the meal.  Listen, if I was WORRIED about how unhealthy the Large Triple-Baconator with extra cheese I just ordered was I wouldn’t be at this artery-clogging gift from God in the first place!!  Not only have you turned my favorite guilty pleasure into a counterfeit “health conscious” brick to the average teenage girl's self esteem, you’ve also jumbled up my menu so badly I have to look twice to see if my fatty goodness is eleven dollars and twenty-seven cents, or if it just has 1127 calories.  You give so many excuses: It’s so the health conscious parents will have something to eat while their children get to eat the food that they love, or the healthy friend who gets dragged into the fast food chain. 

A.      If the parent is that worried about the calorie count of their own food, more often than not, they’re not going to let their piglet children slurp down three cheeseburgers and a milkshake either.

B.      If your friends know you’re a health freak and DRAG you into an establishment that they’re well aware in no other world you would ever find yourself in, you can’t really call them friends. If you believe in living a healthy lifestyle, your friends aren’t going to blatantly mock it.

Don’t even get me started on the “Weight-Observers” approved section of my fast food menu.  You know the portion that’s usually a light green or peach color in stark contrast to the rest of the menu that consists of chicken (which you can then make less healthy by having it crispy), salad poured out of a bag and a wrap or two, that (by the time you put all of that ranch dressing on it) is just as high in calories as everything else. 

I understand wanting to be healthy.  I understand the fact that you may not want to eat a 900 calorie burger for every meal.  It’s called WILLPOWER. Get some!  You should love who you are.  If you’re THAT vainly worried about your weight, maybe you should try fasting….ad infinitum.

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Didn't Your Mom Tell You "Don't Talk With Your Mouth Full"

People who approach me and try to have a conversation with me, while they’re eating, annoy me.  What you have to say is SO important that you can’t even finish your banana before you open your mouth to astound me with your theories on why the bartender at your favorite bar is giving you ALL the signs that means she wants you?  I have two things to say to this:

A.      She doesn’t want you.  It’s her JOB to flirt with you. She makes more money from your intoxicated attempts to seduce her if she humors you and makes you think you have a smidgen of a chance.  Otherwise you’d move on to the next bartender pursuing the exact same thing, and she would lose her sells.

B.      You’re an idiot… Don’t get me wrong, I have flirted with my fair share of bartenders, but the difference between you and I, is that I actually realize the game she’s playing.

That out of the way, back to my coworker’s eating habits.  I don’t want to see the mashed up fruit on your lips every time I attempt to give you the eye contact that is minimal to maintain some level of decency in a conversation.  And when I give up on the eye contact completely, I really don’t want to have to hear the smacking, digestive noises you make while you struggle to form coherent speech around sticky mess that’s inside your mouth. I hope you realize that the look of concentration on my face isn’t because I’m listening so intently to what you have to say, it’s because I’m exerting an insane amount of energy in my attempt to make you choke on that banana with my brain power alone…

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Here's to you, Mr. "Faux-Trendy Music Buff"

So what’s your biggest pet peeve?  And before I start that…where did we even come up with the term pet peeve? 

*Research Break*

Okay, after 15 minutes of solid research on the origin of the term pet peeve I’ve discovered that no one really knows where it came from, but EVERYONE is quite certain it originated in the year 1919…odd…

Anyway, before I get away from the topic of the day by ranting about how idiotic people can be on the internet, let me continue.  My biggest pet peeve is the “Faux-Trendy Music Buff.”  You know those people who always seem to know everything about the music you’re listening to, even if the band happens to be a cover band from your home town in Arkansas that has a population of 102 people.  The same people who, before you go see a show, spend at least an hour in front of their computers researching the band’s history, member biographies, discography, and in some severe cases, even band name etymology. They like to impress us with their knowledge of the band thereby proving that they are “in the scene.”  A subset to this Faux-Trendy Music Buff category is the “Music Stalker.”  Music Stalkers are some of my least favorite people.  Upon meeting a new person, said Music Stalker immediately goes to your Facebook profile seeking information that could be added to their own profile to make it appear as if they have more in common with you than they actually do.  Randomly adding the names of your favorite bands to their profiles and then subtly commenting on the fact that you have “great taste in music,” (which by the way you do! Kudos!) they usually end up browsing the band’s discography briefly so they can answer the dreaded question: “What’s your favorite song by (insert band name here)?”  Fortunately these people are pretty easy to spot because of the fact that they almost always will list the most popular song by the band because it was the first thing to pop up when the Music Stalker googled the band name.  Here’s my helpful advice to all you Faux-Trendy Music Buffs out there.  The next time you buy a random CD of a band you’ve never even heard of just to seem cooler than you actually are, break the CD in half, and slit your wrists with it.  Your blood is worth WAY more to me than your opinion…

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Quote of the Week

Quote of the week:

Me: I can just follow you from city to city until we’re 30 and we have to get married. And have little nerdy babies.

Ken: Pancho, Druita, and Thor!

Me: Thor? Why not just name one of them Bruce Wayne?

Ken: Too obvious Dru. We have to be subtle.

Me: Because Thor is REAL subtle.

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